Conflict Resolution

Definition of Conflict

The simplest way to explain conflict is that it is a struggle between people, usually stemming from a misunderstanding. It could verbal, physical, or even a battle of minds and opinions of conflicting ideas or even based emotionally.
The word is derived from the Latin word ‘conflingere’. Conflingere translates to mean to come together for a battle. Conflicts can be with one person, or can involve several people …. or even several groups.
As a trainer, you will be occasionally faced with a discussion or situation that could escalate into a form of conflict. Your responsibility, is to deescalate the conflict and find a resolution that satisfies both parties, basically arriving at a Win/Win outcome.

Definition of Resolution

In this context, resolution is not referring to how clear the image is on your TV or computer screen. When used in the term ‘Conflict Resolution’ it means the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict or problem. It is the act of resolving something and moving forward. At the end of the day, when we are attempting to ‘resolve an issue – a misunderstanding’ and we are trying to find a common answer or solution to that issue.
There are three potential outcomes to any conflict resolution – Lose/Lose; Lose/Win and Win/Win – with a WIN/WIN being the preferred outcome.

Conflict Management Skills

Conflict does not need to be something that you need to ‘hide-from’. The harsh reality is that in most cases it will not just fade away and will probably only escalate in intensity.
Facing conflict head-on is usually a great way to further strengthen relationships and express our expectations when it comes to working with other parties. By understanding conflict resolution strategies and applying the skills that make them effective, you’ll have a much better idea as to when to avoid conflict and when to address it. Your relationships with your customers and co-workers will be better for it.
There are many ways to manage conflict. Conflict management can be approached using a variety of different strategies, with each strategy need similar basic management skills. To successfully manage conflict, you need to understand each of the management skills involved and then determine which skills, and in what quantity, they will be used. Learning these skills and when the right time to use them will help to resolve conflict/ssooner.
Following are a range of core skills and characteristics that you would need to adopt to best help you to effectively manage workplace conflicts.

Factors involved in Resolving Conflict/s

People, in general, are aware when there is conflict around. The air is tense, people around you are walking on egg-shells, answers are ‘short and snappy’. The conflict could express itself verbally, and even physically towards others.
The issue that confronts people involved in conflict, and especially those that are seeking a resolution, is that they are not sure how to best handle that conflict so as to arrive at a positive result for all involved.
With this in mind, here are several tried and proven concepts that you could consider applying when resolution to any conflict is the objective:

1. Active Listening

Active listening means that you are in the zone, listening, focusing and being attentive to what the other person is sharing with you. Trainers learn this skill to better understand what their students’ ‘real’ needs are so as to better connect with their students. However, actively listening to the other person needs to be applied to any professional and in any relationship and should be well mastered.
The first rule of active listening, is have an open mind and open ears! Pay attention to the way the other person phrases their comments – ideally you will respond using the same wording/phrases that they used. This is just one way that demonstrates that you were listening and helps to ensure that you understand the points being discussed.
Also, be sure to ask questions when you’re confused about a point and focus on identifying the other person’s goals. Do not be distracted, looking away. Smile and nod your head – these simple gestures go a long way towards demonstrating that you are listening.

2. Emotional Intelligence

Appreciating, perceiving and understanding the other person’s emotional state/s, and keeping a check on your own emotional state as well, is where emotional intelligence starts. Embracing your emotional intelligence skills will help to better manage conflict and will increase the chances of preventing the situation from escalating further.
The idea is to be able to effectively anticipate/interpret your students’ emotions. This makes it easier for you to better communicate with them without provoking them. An emotionally intelligent person in a conflict resolution discussion will have the ability to recognize and compress confusion, anger and frustration from the conflict. This then leaves ample room for all people involved to think both creatively and logically towards a solution.

3. Patience

Conflicts are usually not easy to resolve, especially when you consider that about 25,000 people search the internet for “conflict resolution” answers every month.
Basically, the average person does not like being wrong, hence making conflict resolution even more difficult. In many cases, people will hold onto their opinion or position on an issue because of this point alone. When aiming to resolve a conflict with a student like this, you need to remain patient.
Also, it’s important to keep in mind that the problem may not be solved quickly, even if you or they believe the solution is obvious. Ideally, you will take the time to listen to the student’s point of view and value each argument evenly.
And even if there’s a clear answer, rushing to a resolution can make students feel like they’re left out in the decision-making process (there are exceptions to this). Taking the time to equally consider all options can help create and arrive at long-term solution/s that will save you, and the student, a headache later.

4.Impartiality

Not focusing on what the conflict is about is usually another reason why they are not resolved either quickly, satisfactorily or even at all. Resolving one specific conflict is not an opportunity, or excuse to bring up other previous grievances that have developed between the involved parties. If previous grievances are raised, the problem that then arises is that the current conflict may not be resolved until the previous grievances are addressed and possibly resolved.
In this type of situation, try your best to separate the conflict from the student – the two are separate issues. Do not focus on the student and their personal characteristics. Focus on looking at the conflict issue that the student is talking about and centre your energy on finding a solution to that one issue. You need to keep in mind that it might be important to work through those past issues at some point, however, leave older issues to a later date.
Remember the mantra: Important vs. Urgent. You can definitely work on the other important issues that impede you from meeting goals at a later time, but urgent issues should be handled first.

5.Open Communication

Sometimes, even when a conflict is resolved, relationships between the parties involved don’t always go back to normal. You need to be aware that the relationship may/will need to be nurtured even after a solution is found.
Creating open lines of communication with the student is the best approach for developing a healthy, long-term relationship after any conflict. This allows both parties to check in on one another and make sure that both ends of the agreement are being maintained. If new challenges arise, a precedent of open communication should make it easier for you and the student to address the new raised challenge without risking any progress previously achieved.

6. Use “I” not “YOU” statements

Starting and using statements with “I” statements, such as “I feel like I’m not getting the chance to explain myself” rather than “You’re not listening to me” can dramatically transform your conversation.
When a series of statements begin with “you” it can usually come across as blame aimed at the other. Conflict shouldn’t be about what the other person is doing wrong, but rather, it should be about what you believe you’re doing right and how to get the other side to appreciate your point of view.
Using “I” statements also makes your argument more about your emotions, opinions, personal beliefs, and morals, rather than about all the things you don’t like about the opposing party. It would be unreasonable that someone can disagree with your opinions and/or feelings – mainly because they are your opinions and feelings. Also, the discussion will more likely remain respectful as it reminds all parties that people with emotions are involved.

7. Maintain a Calm Tone

Remain calm and level-headed throughout the conflict resolution discussion. This will help you think rationally about a solution that will be acceptable to both parties. Sounding ‘calm’ could be tough to do as you may not always hear your tone from someone else’s perspective.
Here is a technique to consider practicing to having a clam tone when involved in conflict discussions. Before your planned meeting, find a private place by yourself – yell, cry, vent, or whatever you would really prefer to do during the meeting – but do not do any of these during the actual meeting. The objective is to get these emotionally charged responses out of your system before the actual meeting. This may then help you to start calm and emotionally ready when you enter the conflict resolution meeting. You will be more ready to discuss considerations from different perspectives.

8. Be Willing to Compromise or Collaborate

Considering a compromise could be a fair and reasonable conflict resolution choice, especially if there is limited time to make a decision and you simply need to put your foot down.
However, and ideally, in most significant conflicts, it is essential to come to some sort of an agreement between you and the student that both of you can move forward with.
Sometimes you will just have to let go of your pride and on your argument or point of view. You need to demonstrate to the opposing party that you care more about coming to a solution that is productive for everyone involved, as much as you care about the conflict and presenting your side.

9. It’s not Personal.

In the vast majority of conflicts that you may have with student/s, it is always important that you remember typically the conflict is not always with you on a personal level. The conflict might involve a college policy that you as a trainer must apply or it could be unspoken or unwritten expectation/s that the student may have when it comes to the way that you do your job. Try to keep in mind that the conflict that emerges is rarely ever an attack on you as an individual.
Many people get defensive, upset or refuse to budge on an argument because they cling to their viewpoint. If you can learn to separate yourself from the conflict, it’ll be a lot easier to accept compromise or a collaborated solution that is better for all parties involved.

10. Watch out for Nonverbal Communication.

Not everyone is able to handle conflict. There are students who simply don’t like conflict. They won’t always be transparent with you about what they want or need. Then there are students who seem to embrace conflict and seem to enjoy the drama that goes with it. Regardless, it is important to pay attention to their nonverbal communication.
Body language, gestures that the student displays, can tell you a lot about what the student is really saying and meaning – saying one thing but meaning something else. By remaining constantly and emotionally aware, you can pay attention to whether the students general posture, gestures, and facial expressions (eyes usually best source of tell) match their words.
The way someone says, “I’m fine,” can tell you whether they are or are not fine. Then, you can create an environment that makes the student feel more comfortable about being honest with you.

11.Know when to Apologize and Forgive.

“I’m sorry!” – probably two of the hardest words for people to say.
It’s not easy to apologize when you feel like you were right all along. Do not let pride deter you from making amends with the opposing party.
When the student might be apologizing to you, you may feel so angry about comments they made that you don’t think you can forgive them. However, these relationships are professional. Put aside your personal feelings and forgive the student. This will make for a healthier future relationship.

12. Focus on the ‘NOW’ conflict – not the past ones.

Bringing up of past conflicts with the student/s whilst attempting to resolve a current conflict could happen as a result of getting frustrated with the other person for a variety of reasons. In the heat of the moment, you might feel like this is the perfect time to bring those up – since we are here anyway.
Consider applying the 48-Hour Rule. If a conflict arises or there’s something that bothers you about the student, consider reaching out and ask to discuss it within the next 48 hours. Do everything possible not to add them to the list of conflicts that you had agreed to discuss at this meeting.
Have these past issues/conflicts not previously resolved, delayed for another meeting. Any past conflicts should not be brought up when trying to resolve a ‘NOW’ conflict …. It is important to remain in the present.

13. Set Boundaries.

Before you enter into any conflict discussion, it would be a good idea to establish and agree on the boundaries that all parties will agree to follow. These might include the following:

• Reminding all parties that the conflict is not personal
• Asking everyone to keep the discussion confidential
• Requesting that everyone remembers to manage their emotions and not make outburst, hurtful remarks, or make untrue statements
• If necessary, have a third-party weigh-in.

When the conflict becomes too emotional a third party weighing into the discussion could be a benefit. You may be afraid of discrimination, retaliation, inappropriate or illegal ramifications. A third-party weigh-in to address and/or mediate the conflict could help. A neutral third party can act as a sounding board to retrieve the facts from each party to achieve a resolution, or they may simply guide the conversation and keep time so that you don’t waste the workday having an unproductive conversation.

14. Accommodating

There are times during a conflict resolution session when adopting an accommodating style is used when people want to be cooperative. Every conflict does not need to be an angry confrontation. Sometimes, if you give it a lot of thought, it is better to lose the ‘battle’ to win the war.
To explain with an example – let’s say you were asked to deliver information at 10am and you delivered it at 11am. There was valid reason why you were late, however, you know that the other person will just see them as excuses. It may place you in a better position for future conflicts if you simply apologised for being late and mention that you will try not to let this happen again in the future.
By simply acknowledging your tardiness, you could demonstrate that you recognize and take responsibility for your actions and that in future you will endeavour to be a an on-time team member. Plus, you just might get bonus points for not causing an unnecessary argument.

15. Collaborating

A ‘collaborative’ style towards achieving resolution is usually seen as both cooperative and assertive at the same time. It means that all parties will be heard and that the solution chosen should work well for all parties. If one of your objectives is to keep a relationship intact and find a solution that works, then a collaborative style of conflict resolution might be a great course of action.
Collaborating simply means working with the other party to resolve an issue that is causing, or potentially causing, conflict and coming up with an acceptable solution that suits both parties involved.
An example of a conflict you might collaborate on at work is a process between you and the student. Perhaps the due date for an assessment is Sunday and the student lets you know that they cannot submit by Sunday. If the system allows you to provide the student with an extension then consider holding a discussion with eth student and agreeing on a sub mission date that is considered fair and reasonable to you and the student.